People of Walmart

Always StrappedIt’s unfortunate that the one strap that is actually working is the one keeping your hair in place...Arizona


Tube Toppin'So, this is either a cross-dressing nautical enthusiast OR…..well, fill in anything, It really doesn’t matter because none of it will make sense...Arizona


Going with the FlowNow kids, much like how you can determine a tree’s age by its rings, you can also judge the level of “party” in a person by the length of the mullet. Write that down...Texas

MLIA 2/3

• Today, the boy I was babysitting wanted to see my basement. I told him that there was lava down there, because that's how we heated our house. I found a red light bulb and turned it on down there to prove that he could see the red from the lava. He's terrified of my basement. MLIA.
• Today I gave five dollars and all the spare change in my pocket to a homeless man who's sign read "Brother kidnapped by squirrels, need money for nuts and booby traps." MLIA
• Today, I was watching Pirates of the Caribbean 3 with my little sister. My dad called us up for dinner so my sister paused the DVD. At 1:23:45. My sister doesn't get why this is so exciting. MLIA

Jersey Shore Update.....as if anybody cares

Just because the finale aired last week doesn't mean The Sitch, Snooki, & the rest of the gang are layin' low! See what they're up to.

Today's MLIA 1/27

Today, I was flirting with a quiet guy in my math class. The girl that everybody hates came over to us and asked, "So are you two love birds going to make out after class?" To which the guy responded, "Yeah, it's going to be me, her, and your mom. Feel free to join in, but you have to pitch in 5 bucks, your mom is expensive!" I knew there was a reason I liked the quiet ones. MLIA

Today's FML 1/27

Today, the toilet at my apartment still hasn't been fixed. I have to straddle the bathtub for number 1's and go to Walmart for 2's. FML

S U R P R I S E

DOLPHINS SUCK,
PANTHERS SUCK,
AND SO DOES BLAINE =)

Today's MLIA 11/19

Yesterday, I watched a horror movie and wasn't scared once. Today, my bagel popped out of the toaster and nearly gave me a heart attack. MLIA.

Today's MLIA 11/18

Today, I asked my dad to make me a milkshake. He told me to make one myself. I responded that I didn't know how to make a good milkshake. He's responce? "Well, that's why your single. No boys ever come to our yard." MLIA.

Today's MLIA 11/17

Today, a really attractive guy was working out in front of me on the treadmills at the gym. I used him as motivation to run faster, visualizing that I could reach him if I ran fast enough. He kept turning around to look at me. At first I was flattered but then I realized it was because I had been muttering "my precious" creepily under my breath. MLIA.

Today's FML 11/17

Today, I got a paper back that was given a zero for suspected plagiarism. Everything I wrote was my own thought and analysis. My instructor basically thinks my paper is smarter than I am. He won't listen, even when I explain my thought processes throughout the piece. FML

Today's MLIA 11/16

Today, some men whistled at me when I walked down the street. I'm a male. I felt pretty. MLIA

Today's FML 11/16

Today, at school, I got stuck in the elevator and was about to panic before I remembered I had my phone. I called my mother and she called the school to tell them that I was stuck. They got me out in a few minutes and then confiscated my phone and gave me two detentions for using it in school. FML

Monologue Song(La La La)

Today's MLIA 10/29

Yessterday I went downstairs to find my brother still playing WoW after about 6 hours. I asked him if he had a life and he looked me straight in the face and said,"I have unlimited lives." Touche, brother. MLIA

Today's FML 10/29

Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML

Today's MLIA 10/28

Today, I was downstairs in my basement and my dad told me that my phone had gone off. I went all the way upstairs to my bed to find it was a text from my dad saying, 'Make your bed, and you may as well since you're standing above it right now'. Very creative Dad, very creative. MLIA

Today's FML 10/28

Today, I found out my mom is the nude model for an art class at my college. FML

Today's MLIA 10/27

Today I had to pick up my twin sister's 8 year olddaughter up from school early to take her to the dentist. When I got to her class she was in the middle of a verbal spelling test. The teacher asked "How would you spell cough?" My neice replied, "C-O-F-F. Cough." "Well, the dictionary would say it was "C-O-U-G-H." My neice looked confused for a moment and then said "Yes, but you asked my how I'D spell it, not the dictionary. I walked in and gave her a high-five. MLIA.

Today's FML 10/27

Today, some thug tried to mug me. I panicked and ran. As they chased me with their knife out, I heard a slip and a shout behind me but kept running. Six blocks later I was spotted, arrested and held for questioning by the police. The mugger fell, stabbed themselves and told a cop that I did it. FML

Today's MLIA 10/26

Today, I was humming the Mission Impossible theme song as I was walking through Target. Suddenly a guy walked by humming the James Bond theme song. We both paused and stared at one another, then he made a gun with his fingers and shot me. Touche, 007, touche. MLIA

Today's FML 10/26

Today, I heard my newly divorced parents fighting about who gets to keep me. Neither of them want me. FML

People of Walmart

It looks like a black hole sucking everything around it in.

-Oklahoma

Today's WTF: Police stop driver for 15 violations in 11 minutes

Authorities say an Italian man took reckless driving to new heights in 11 frantic minutes of traffic violations in eastern Switzerland.

They say they first spotted the 47-year-old driver as he sped his jeep past an unmarked police car at 100 miles per hour in a rainstorm Sunday.

Driving dangerously close to other cars on the autobahn, he then allegedly ignored police attempts to pull him over — first with a stop sign, and then with flashing lights and sirens.

Police say the man drove through a construction zone at 87 mph, nearly twice the speed limit, before being stopped.

They seized the man's driver's license, and a judge ordered him tested for medications and illegal drugs.

Police said Monday the man racked up 15 traffic violations in 11 minutes.

Today's MLIA 10/22

Today, I went to the doctor to get a flu shot. The little kid who went before me got a Winnie the Pooh sticker when they left, so I asked the receptionist for one. When she asked me how old I was, I said, "You're going to put an age limit on happiness?" MLIA.

Today's FML 10/22

Today, when I proposed to my girlfriend of 8 years, she said no because she thought we were moving too fast. FML