FML Friday

Today, I got a job at McDonald's because I've been really needing money. After work, I got some food with the Monopoly pieces. I completed the set for $5,000, but I can't claim it because I work for McDonald's. FML

Today, my "future" wife got drunk in front of my parents, who she was meeting for the first time. She called my dad a piece of shit and told my mom she wants to tear her own eyes out. FML

Today, my mom said I was the worst of her 5 children. My IQ is 130, an honor student, I don't smoke, I don't drink alcohol, or do drugs. I'm the "worst" because I don't go to church every Sunday. FML

Today, after spending the night at my boyfriend's house, I was heading out the door when he called me back to hand me something I had left at his house a while ago. It was one of my bras. It wasn't until I got home I noticed the cup size was a B. I'm a size D. FML

Today, after I have spent $3,000 dollars in preparations to move in with my girlfriend of 2 and 1/2 years, she confesses she's a mental patient who stole someone elses identity. She was telling the truth. FML

FactsOfThe..WEEK (:

There are twice as many billionaires in the U.S. today as there were 10 years ago.

The average American dog will cost its owner $14,600 in its lifetime.

5% of Americans never get married.

The name Wendy was created for the book "Peter Pan".

Postal Service inspired Trace Cyrus to start Metro Station.

The first domain name ever registered was Symbolics.com.

Justin Bieber can solve a rubik's cube in less than 2 minutes.

The average office desk has 400 times more bacteria than a toilet.

All babies are color blind when they are born.

Gloucestershire airport in England used to blast Tina Turner songs on the runways to scare birds away.

For every normal webpage, there are five porn pages.

California has issued at least 6 drivers licenses to people named Jesus Christ.

Dirty snow melts faster than clean snow.

About 25 Million Dollars is spent each year on lap dances in Las Vegas, NV.

Bluebirds cannot see the color blue.

Britney Spears books into hotels under the name "Alotta Warmheart."

1% of Greenland's population lives in one single apartment building.

The average person walks twice around the world in their lifetime.

*curtosy of @omgfacts, on Twitter! :)

People of Walmart Friday

BELLY DANCER

Just try to resist this guy! The unbuttoned work-pants show the ladies that he is all business. You know this trucker is one pickup line away from taking that lady in pink back to his place, which is conveniently parked about 50 yards from the entrance door.

-Arizona

NOT SO TIGHTY NOT SO WHITEY

I guess he thought he could roll his underwear over his pants and use them as a belt…didn’t work.

-Utah

Say whayyyt....with Michael Scott

"A boss's salary isn't just about money. It’s about perks. For example, every year I get a $100 gas card. Can't put a price on that."

New Movie Releases 10/9

Four couples embark on a tropical island vacation, only to discover that participation in the resort's couples therapy is mandatory.

More Info

After a young, middle class couple moves into what seems like a typical suburban "starter" tract house, they become increasingly disturbed by a presence that may or may not be demonic, but is certainly most active in the middle of the night. Especially when they sleep. Or try

More Info

A motocross racer dreams of winning the Amateur National Championships, but must juggle his passion while supporting his family.

More Info

MLIA Friday

Today, my neighbor had a birthday party which included a piñata. I know this because I could hear them screaming from next door, "DIE YOU GREEDY UNICORN!" and "MAKE HIM BLEED CANDY!" my neighbor turned 72 today.
Today, I was in a store pretending to be a mannequin. I saw a little girl running around as her mom tried to leave, yelling, "I haven't said goodbye to everyone!" She proceeded to run down the line of mannequins, hugging them all. When she got to me, I hugged her back. I've never heard anyone scream so hard. MLIA

FML Friday

Today, I was walking out of class when I saw a girl enthusiastically run to her boyfriend, jump on him, and smother him with kisses. I thought to myself "I wish my girlfriend did that." When the girl jumped off and turned around I realized she did, just not to me. FML
Today, I fainted on the sidewalk. When I woke up, I was still lying on the sidewalk, people were stepping over me and my purse was gone. FML

G Whizz - Life

People of Walmart

We were just about to hand out our “Most Gangster Jacket of the Year” award to fuzzy spider, but out of nowhere comes Scarface with a bedazzled necklace and the magically delicious Lucky Charms guy; even Mr. Skulls is a dark horse in this race…..We need your opinions people, this is too hard!

-Minnesota

DWIGHTTTTTTT Schrute

"How would I describe myself? Three words: hard working, alpha male, jackhammer…merciless…insatiable…"

Today's WTF: 1,725 pound pumpkin

A high school math teacher has won top honors in a pumpkin-growing contest with a 1,725-pound behemoth that could land worldwide bragging rights.

Christy Harp of Jackson Township, Ohio, took first place at the Ohio Valley Giant Pumpkin Growers annual weigh-off Saturday in Canfield. She won $2,500 and could claim the world title.

Contest organizers say the entry topped the Guinness-record 1,689-pound pumpkin grown in 2007 by Joe Jutras of North Scituate, R. I.

Harp and her husband, Nick, grow the giant gourds on their family farm. Each year they engage in a private friendly competition.

"Last year he beat me by 200 pounds. This year I beat him by 400 pounds," she said. "Very good year! My pumpkin, my side of the patch! We separate the patch and never step foot on the other side!" MSN

Say Whayyyt... with Michael Scott

"Ready? Comon' guys! Early worm gets the worm."

Today's MLIA 10/8

Today, I was in health class and my teacher told us a story about how he was telling them the most popular myths about sex. When he told them that you CAN get pregnant the first time he was facing the board and he heard a loud SMACK. He turned around and a girl had slapped her boyfriend yelling, "YOU LIED TO ME!" This made my entire day. MLIA

Today's FML 10/8

Today, completely excited, I told my mom about this guy from high school, that I had really liked and who had found me on Facebook. He said he regretted not asking me out in high school and offered to fly me out to visit him. Her response? "Has he seen what you look like now?" FML

A day in the life of well.. Me (:

Hey guys,

So I haven't really posted much about me lately and I feel the need to post something, so I choose you to read this sad excuse for a post. I'm sorry that I am not Blaine, and yes the blog sucks since he's been gone, so I apologize at the lack of talent I possess in this area (blogging). Follow him on Twitter, and tell him to get back or you'll be reading more lame things such as this (@BlainesWorld).

I have all these things on my mind, and maybe you want to share your opinions, just maybe. I was sitting in World Religions class today resisting the urge to turn around and take out the girl behind me, as she is driving slightly.. bonkers. But, I didn't because well lets face it, I'd be suspended. If any of you watch 'One Tree Hill', you'd know of the so called villain, Dan Scott. I read this today looking through quotes that actually meant something to me, and I came across this. "Happiness doesn't come cheap. Hell, if it did we'd all be smiling". He's supposed to be this evil guy, which I mean nobody can disagree with, but his character actually carries so much wisdom and poise with everything he says. It's like it has a deeper meaning then you would ever think at the time.

It's true, happiness isn't cheap. It takes work, and if you think everything is just going to turn out fine. If you think, everyone and everything will ALWAYS be there for you. You'll ALWAYS be wrong. Nothing can ever be perfect. There will always be tragedy, but don't get me wrong, you'll experience so much you'll be grateful for in your life. Some may say losing your hearts desire, will be the most tragic thing you may experience, and I may only be 16, but I think I understand what it means. When you lose that part of you, you'll seem as if a part of you is missing, but you need to think of the beginning. The beginning, where you gained your hearts desire, that's all you could ever dream of happening in your life.

You don't need to be afraid of life. You need to embrace it, every little part of it. Even when you think the world is crashing on you, and no ones there, there will always be someone else out there feeling the same way as you. Your not alone, this world is huge; filled with love, and people who DO care about you, and that's all you'll ever need. We'll always be here for YOU. "Smile, happy looks good on you :)"

I'm just writing this because the whole concept of feeling alone, and having a broken heart. It happens to everyone, EVERYDAY, and we can't choose to ignore it, we have to work through it. I hope this maybe inspires people to actually do something, embrace your life, you only live for so long, make it last - you deserve it.

I love you guys, thanks for reading...I tend to ramble. Bear with me?

Love,
Erin xo <3

"At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls. And sometimes... all you need is one" - Peyton Sawyer (One Tree Hill)

Today's FML's

Today, I fainted on the sidewalk. When I woke up, I was still lying on the sidewalk, people were stepping over me and my purse was gone. FML

Today, I met my new roommate. I also met her stuffed animals, who introduced themselves to me. My roommate makes inanimate objects talk. FML

Today, my 70 year old coworker gave me a letter telling me he was attracted to me, and wishes to have a relationship in which he can 'hold me in his arms every night'. I'm 21. FML

Today's MLIA

Today, I found out that the girl who has turned me down on a date, actually turned me down to go to her monthly pokemon sleep over at her best friends house. I wont be giving up on this one. MLIA.

Fun Facts of the Day! [Take4]

Albert Einstein never wore socks.

The worlds youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete!

The average person walks twice around the world in their lifetime.

Large kangaroos can jump over 30 Ft in distance.

Crushed cockroaches can be applied to a stinging wound to help relieve the pain.

Pain travels through your body at 350 FT a second.




Follow @omgfacts on Twitter, for all this fun stuff ! (:

Fun Facts of the Day! [TakeThree]

The most popular sport in movies is boxing.

There are more fatal car accidents in July than any other month.

Men are 6 times more likely to get struck by lightning than woman.

The speed of the average raindrop is 17 MPH.

In mornings, eating an apple will keep you awake better than drinking coffee.

The Pacific entrance to the Panama Canal is farther east than the Atlantic entrance.

In India, people are LEGALLY allowed to marry a dog.

*follow @omgfacts on Twitter, for all of these (:

Weight Limit FAIL

Deliberating with DWIGHTTTTT!!!!!

"As a farmer, I know that when an animal is sick, sometimes the right thing to do is to put it out of its misery. With the electricity we’re using to keep Meredith alive, we could power a small fan for two days. You tell me what’s unethical?"

Today's WTF: 5 year old boy kills 800 pound alligator

Five-year-old Simon Hughes is a real-life gator slayer. Simon didn't even flinch when he and his dad came across a huge alligator. The pipsqueak hunter from Polk County grabbed his gun and shot and killed the 12-foot long monster.

This gator was just five inches shorter than the Texas record, and that's got Simon determined to do it again.

"I wasn't even afraid," said Simon. "Next year I'm going to kill me a bigger alligator."

Simon weighs about 40 pounds, without the gun. The alligator weighs 800. That's 20 times his size. ABC Local

Say whayyyt....with Michael Scott

"When I said that I was king of forwards, you got to understand that I don't come up with this stuff. I just forward it along. You wouldn't arrest a guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another."

Today's MLIA 10/1

Today, I asked my 5 year old niece what she wanted to be when she grew up. I was expecting her to respond with the typical answer of a princess. She replied with, "either Batman or a panda bear." Never have I been so proud. MLIA.

Today's FML 10/1

I can relate to this one. Well, kinda.....

Today, I bought a fish bowl and a fish for $15. I brought him home and sat him on my desk. Everything was going well until the shelf gave out and his bowl slid off of the shelf... onto my $2,000 computer. The computer is fried and is not covered by the insurance, the fish is fine. FML