Yesterday, I watched a horror movie and wasn't scared once. Today, my bagel popped out of the toaster and nearly gave me a heart attack. MLIA.
Today's MLIA 11/19
Yesterday, I watched a horror movie and wasn't scared once. Today, my bagel popped out of the toaster and nearly gave me a heart attack. MLIA.
Today's MLIA 11/18
Today, I asked my dad to make me a milkshake. He told me to make one myself. I responded that I didn't know how to make a good milkshake. He's responce? "Well, that's why your single. No boys ever come to our yard." MLIA.
Today's MLIA 11/17
Today, a really attractive guy was working out in front of me on the treadmills at the gym. I used him as motivation to run faster, visualizing that I could reach him if I ran fast enough. He kept turning around to look at me. At first I was flattered but then I realized it was because I had been muttering "my precious" creepily under my breath. MLIA.
Today's FML 11/17
Today, I got a paper back that was given a zero for suspected plagiarism. Everything I wrote was my own thought and analysis. My instructor basically thinks my paper is smarter than I am. He won't listen, even when I explain my thought processes throughout the piece. FML
Today's MLIA 11/16
Today, some men whistled at me when I walked down the street. I'm a male. I felt pretty. MLIA
Today's FML 11/16
Today, at school, I got stuck in the elevator and was about to panic before I remembered I had my phone. I called my mother and she called the school to tell them that I was stuck. They got me out in a few minutes and then confiscated my phone and gave me two detentions for using it in school. FML
Today's MLIA 10/29
Yessterday I went downstairs to find my brother still playing WoW after about 6 hours. I asked him if he had a life and he looked me straight in the face and said,"I have unlimited lives." Touche, brother. MLIA
Today's MLIA 10/28
Today, I was downstairs in my basement and my dad told me that my phone had gone off. I went all the way upstairs to my bed to find it was a text from my dad saying, 'Make your bed, and you may as well since you're standing above it right now'. Very creative Dad, very creative. MLIA
Today's MLIA 10/27
Today I had to pick up my twin sister's 8 year olddaughter up from school early to take her to the dentist. When I got to her class she was in the middle of a verbal spelling test. The teacher asked "How would you spell cough?" My neice replied, "C-O-F-F. Cough." "Well, the dictionary would say it was "C-O-U-G-H." My neice looked confused for a moment and then said "Yes, but you asked my how I'D spell it, not the dictionary. I walked in and gave her a high-five. MLIA.
Today's FML 10/27
Today, some thug tried to mug me. I panicked and ran. As they chased me with their knife out, I heard a slip and a shout behind me but kept running. Six blocks later I was spotted, arrested and held for questioning by the police. The mugger fell, stabbed themselves and told a cop that I did it. FML
Today's MLIA 10/26
Today, I was humming the Mission Impossible theme song as I was walking through Target. Suddenly a guy walked by humming the James Bond theme song. We both paused and stared at one another, then he made a gun with his fingers and shot me. Touche, 007, touche. MLIA
Today's FML 10/26
Today, I heard my newly divorced parents fighting about who gets to keep me. Neither of them want me. FML
Today's WTF: Police stop driver for 15 violations in 11 minutes
Authorities say an Italian man took reckless driving to new heights in 11 frantic minutes of traffic violations in eastern Switzerland.
They say they first spotted the 47-year-old driver as he sped his jeep past an unmarked police car at 100 miles per hour in a rainstorm Sunday.
Driving dangerously close to other cars on the autobahn, he then allegedly ignored police attempts to pull him over — first with a stop sign, and then with flashing lights and sirens.
Police say the man drove through a construction zone at 87 mph, nearly twice the speed limit, before being stopped.
They seized the man's driver's license, and a judge ordered him tested for medications and illegal drugs.
Police said Monday the man racked up 15 traffic violations in 11 minutes.
Today's MLIA 10/22
Today, I went to the doctor to get a flu shot. The little kid who went before me got a Winnie the Pooh sticker when they left, so I asked the receptionist for one. When she asked me how old I was, I said, "You're going to put an age limit on happiness?" MLIA.
Today's FML 10/22
Today, when I proposed to my girlfriend of 8 years, she said no because she thought we were moving too fast. FML
Happy Birthday Eminem!!!
All of us here at Inside Blaine's World would like to wish Eminem a Happy 35th Birthday!!!
People of Walmart Friday
I bet that “whip” has a lot of “horse power”. Huh? Get it? Get it? Huh? Did you get it?………….Sorry.
-Illinois
Technically those suspenders are working. You don’t normally see them used with jean shorts. Of course I usually don’t see a belly apron just hanging out to say “hi” either.
-Virginia
I’d be licking my lips too if I was lucky enough to be that close to this guy’s junk. Although I guess in these economic times, even the Walmart smiley needs a second job.
-Colorado
This guy is the Ringleader at the circus known as Walmart.
-Unknown
I can’t decide who has the tighter whip: Dora or Thug Kitty. I want to give the nod to Dora for the simple fact that she installed an effective “Haters no Swiping” security system; that’s just smart.
-Florida
Say whayyyt....with Michael Scott
"Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject, so you know you are getting the best possible information."
New Movie Releases 10/16
A rambunctious boy named Max escapes to an island where he meets mysterious and strange creatures who crown him their king.
A young man grows suspicious of his mother's new boyfriend -- is he really the man of her dreams or could he be hiding a dark side?
A collective work of twelve short films about love, shot by renowned international directors in New York City's five boroughs.
Gerard Butler stars as a criminal mastermind out for revenge, sending an entire city into chaos from the confines of his prison cell.
MLIA Friday
Today, I met a girl named Unique. She has an identical twin sister. No one else thought it was funny. MLIA.
Today, I went through the McD's drive through and ordered a #3 with a cinnamelt. I realized I did not have enough money for the cinnamelt so I quickly drove out of line and pulled in a parking spot by the door. I walked in and, almost as if puzzled as to what I should get, I ordered simply a #3. I was happy to have enough money for the essentials. The man proceeded to hand me a bag and said, "here. there's a cinnamelt in there for you too. some ass hole just drove off after ordering." MLIA
Today, we were talking about heredity in science class. One student asked, "Well, my hair is blond, but both of my parents' hair is brown." The teacher then asked, "What color is the mailman's hair?" He didn't get it. MLIA.
Today, I came across the definition of "creeper" in Urban Dictionary. "Creeper: A person who does weird things, like stares at you while you sleep, or looks at you for hours through a window." First thing that came to my mind? Twilight. MLIA
Today, I was in the checkout line when I saw a mother and her four year old son. The son was screaming his brains out in hope to get a candy bar, but his mother wasn't taking the performance. He proceeded to scream, "If I don't get my candy bar, I'll tell grandma you put daddy's peepee in your mouth!!". The mother dropped all her groceries, grabbed her kid, and stormed out of the store. I've never laughed so hard. You go, little dude. MLIA
FML Friday
Today, I got a job at McDonald's because I've been really needing money. After work, I got some food with the Monopoly pieces. I completed the set for $5,000, but I can't claim it because I work for McDonald's. FML
Today, my "future" wife got drunk in front of my parents, who she was meeting for the first time. She called my dad a piece of shit and told my mom she wants to tear her own eyes out. FML
Today, my mom said I was the worst of her 5 children. My IQ is 130, an honor student, I don't smoke, I don't drink alcohol, or do drugs. I'm the "worst" because I don't go to church every Sunday. FML
Today, after spending the night at my boyfriend's house, I was heading out the door when he called me back to hand me something I had left at his house a while ago. It was one of my bras. It wasn't until I got home I noticed the cup size was a B. I'm a size D. FML
Today, after I have spent $3,000 dollars in preparations to move in with my girlfriend of 2 and 1/2 years, she confesses she's a mental patient who stole someone elses identity. She was telling the truth. FML
FactsOfThe..WEEK (:
There are twice as many billionaires in the U.S. today as there were 10 years ago.
The average American dog will cost its owner $14,600 in its lifetime.
5% of Americans never get married.
The name Wendy was created for the book "Peter Pan".
Postal Service inspired Trace Cyrus to start Metro Station.
The first domain name ever registered was Symbolics.com.
Justin Bieber can solve a rubik's cube in less than 2 minutes.
The average office desk has 400 times more bacteria than a toilet.
All babies are color blind when they are born.
Gloucestershire airport in England used to blast Tina Turner songs on the runways to scare birds away.
For every normal webpage, there are five porn pages.
California has issued at least 6 drivers licenses to people named Jesus Christ.
Dirty snow melts faster than clean snow.
About 25 Million Dollars is spent each year on lap dances in Las Vegas, NV.
Bluebirds cannot see the color blue.
Britney Spears books into hotels under the name "Alotta Warmheart."
1% of Greenland's population lives in one single apartment building.
The average person walks twice around the world in their lifetime.
*curtosy of @omgfacts, on Twitter! :)
The average American dog will cost its owner $14,600 in its lifetime.
5% of Americans never get married.
The name Wendy was created for the book "Peter Pan".
Postal Service inspired Trace Cyrus to start Metro Station.
The first domain name ever registered was Symbolics.com.
Justin Bieber can solve a rubik's cube in less than 2 minutes.
The average office desk has 400 times more bacteria than a toilet.
All babies are color blind when they are born.
Gloucestershire airport in England used to blast Tina Turner songs on the runways to scare birds away.
For every normal webpage, there are five porn pages.
California has issued at least 6 drivers licenses to people named Jesus Christ.
Dirty snow melts faster than clean snow.
About 25 Million Dollars is spent each year on lap dances in Las Vegas, NV.
Bluebirds cannot see the color blue.
Britney Spears books into hotels under the name "Alotta Warmheart."
1% of Greenland's population lives in one single apartment building.
The average person walks twice around the world in their lifetime.
*curtosy of @omgfacts, on Twitter! :)
People of Walmart Friday
BELLY DANCER
Just try to resist this guy! The unbuttoned work-pants show the ladies that he is all business. You know this trucker is one pickup line away from taking that lady in pink back to his place, which is conveniently parked about 50 yards from the entrance door.
-Arizona
NOT SO TIGHTY NOT SO WHITEY
I guess he thought he could roll his underwear over his pants and use them as a belt…didn’t work.
-Utah
Say whayyyt....with Michael Scott
"A boss's salary isn't just about money. It’s about perks. For example, every year I get a $100 gas card. Can't put a price on that."
New Movie Releases 10/9
Four couples embark on a tropical island vacation, only to discover that participation in the resort's couples therapy is mandatory.
After a young, middle class couple moves into what seems like a typical suburban "starter" tract house, they become increasingly disturbed by a presence that may or may not be demonic, but is certainly most active in the middle of the night. Especially when they sleep. Or try 
A motocross racer dreams of winning the Amateur National Championships, but must juggle his passion while supporting his family.
